Have you heard this expression? It’s something the clients I work with (mostly teenagers) say, usually about someone at the WIC or foodstamp office or medical clinic who decides they more about the client’s capablities than the client does.

I had a “you don’t know me like that” moment the other day. I was attending the public health nursing luncheon at the APHA (American Public Health Association) annual meeting and my co-workers were talking about cradle cap at lunch (c’now you know how nurses are) and a nurse sitting across me, who had never met me before said “well you don’t know have any kids, right? I know it really changed my practice, made it so much richer, when I had children. I made different decisions.”

What that had to do with cradle cap, I am not quite sure.
It’s true that I don’t have children, but the fact that this woman decided this by looking at me was annoying enough. That she decided that my practice was lacking because I didn’t have kids was really pretty insulting.

As I thought about it later, her words actually reminded me of someone else’s voice: my own.  I was very worried when I started my current nursing job as a home visiting nurse for first time moms that I wouldn’t be able to relate to my clients–that they wouldn’t trust me– because I don’t have kids.

Meanwhile, eight years and I don’t know how many clients later, I realized never once have I even had a client directly ask me if I have children. In the bigger scheme of things: treating clients with respect, bringing them accurate information, valuing and emphasizing the clients’ own strengths, these are clearly the things that keeps clients engaged in the program.

If anyone is giving you any kind of hard time because they think you are not what a nurse looks like (too many tattoos?) or implying that you don’t have what it takes to be a nurse, remember “they don’t know you like that.” Beyond the basics of the cognitive ability to learn and compassion to treat people with respect, there is a nursing job and situation for every type of nurse. You know if you have it in you. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.